Things are looking up in the world.
The talk with my other half went very smooth and I have a weight lifted from my shoulders.
He's not trying so hard and he's back to his normal self.
What a releif!
All he wanted was to make me happy.
He's doing it by being him.
Not rushing into marriage, probably will never do it again....
I can do without!
In other news...nothings really changed...well the weather maybe..
It's been getting cooler and I LOVE IT!!!
Makes me think of Sweden when it's cool outside...
Well....enough for small talk. I've got to get ready for work.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Letter of truth
There are things that are easier to write than say.
Some things about me you don't know.
I like to give to people, but I hate sharing like a little child.
I'm selfish, but not completely.
If I let you live with me, I won't want to share my things, but I do. I get picky because I want things to be mine. I want them a certain way, and sometimes I don't know how to say no. Like when I say no smoking in the house, I mean it, not even in another room with the door closed, yet I will give in. I don't want to be alone, yet i'd rather live by myself. It's a contradiction I have with myself.
I don't know how to get over this or if I want to. If I set down rules, I give in because i'm afraid of conflict, of things being said behind my back. I just want to be a people pleaser. I try not to be vulnerable, but I am. This time I'm trying to stick by my guns. I'm really afraid this time. I always get screwed, always, and this time I will secure myself so no matter what, I can take care of me.
Maybe I am screwing myself and don't know it. I'm not sure how you can be so sure you want to marry me. We've only been together for 3 months. For me this time around, i'm terrified. I don't want to marry again. I'd be happier just being happy. I think about the bad things and the what-if's, I haven't done that before, and maybe I should have, and so I shouldn't this time.
I feel ruined and dead inside. I miss my Swedish life. It depresses me. I don't know what to do.
I'm lost inside myself.
I don't even think I want to be found.
But I am tired of being miserable.
I'm a conflict within myself.
Save me.
Before, I thought you were perfect, but I wanted a little, very little softness. I never said it. You did it on your own for fear of losing me. For some reason yourover doing it. I can't figure out why. I feel smothered. Maybe we moved too fast. I should have taken it slow, after-all, I have only just become newly single.
I have myself to blame.
I should have known to go slow, when on our first 'date' you were drunk when i got there and even more so as the evening wore on. I hate thinking about it. I should have known better, but then maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. You almost never have a drink anymore and you go weeks without. Of that I am proud.
I love you so much, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. I think maybe it was on a rebound that I came to you. I don't like the way that sounds, but it might be true.
Maybe I'm depressed. How...how utterly sad. Thats the only word that comes to mind. I don't get depressed, but something happened to me over there in Sweden. A huge part of me was left behind. It hurts more and more all the time and i cannot break all ties. I just can't do it.
You shouldn't suffer from my downfalls.
You shouldn't have to face my moments of sadness and hurt from it all.
I want to seclude myself.
Go there, go to Sweden and be happy, but I can't, so I want seclusion...
a recluse of everything that is.
You'll suffer because I am.
I don't want that for you.
So in turn I keep it to myself.
Once again, I'm a conflict with myself.
What a misery.
Some things about me you don't know.
I like to give to people, but I hate sharing like a little child.
I'm selfish, but not completely.
If I let you live with me, I won't want to share my things, but I do. I get picky because I want things to be mine. I want them a certain way, and sometimes I don't know how to say no. Like when I say no smoking in the house, I mean it, not even in another room with the door closed, yet I will give in. I don't want to be alone, yet i'd rather live by myself. It's a contradiction I have with myself.
I don't know how to get over this or if I want to. If I set down rules, I give in because i'm afraid of conflict, of things being said behind my back. I just want to be a people pleaser. I try not to be vulnerable, but I am. This time I'm trying to stick by my guns. I'm really afraid this time. I always get screwed, always, and this time I will secure myself so no matter what, I can take care of me.
Maybe I am screwing myself and don't know it. I'm not sure how you can be so sure you want to marry me. We've only been together for 3 months. For me this time around, i'm terrified. I don't want to marry again. I'd be happier just being happy. I think about the bad things and the what-if's, I haven't done that before, and maybe I should have, and so I shouldn't this time.
I feel ruined and dead inside. I miss my Swedish life. It depresses me. I don't know what to do.
I'm lost inside myself.
I don't even think I want to be found.
But I am tired of being miserable.
I'm a conflict within myself.
Save me.
Before, I thought you were perfect, but I wanted a little, very little softness. I never said it. You did it on your own for fear of losing me. For some reason yourover doing it. I can't figure out why. I feel smothered. Maybe we moved too fast. I should have taken it slow, after-all, I have only just become newly single.
I have myself to blame.
I should have known to go slow, when on our first 'date' you were drunk when i got there and even more so as the evening wore on. I hate thinking about it. I should have known better, but then maybe we wouldn't be where we are now. You almost never have a drink anymore and you go weeks without. Of that I am proud.
I love you so much, and I wouldn't trade you for anything. I think maybe it was on a rebound that I came to you. I don't like the way that sounds, but it might be true.
Maybe I'm depressed. How...how utterly sad. Thats the only word that comes to mind. I don't get depressed, but something happened to me over there in Sweden. A huge part of me was left behind. It hurts more and more all the time and i cannot break all ties. I just can't do it.
You shouldn't suffer from my downfalls.
You shouldn't have to face my moments of sadness and hurt from it all.
I want to seclude myself.
Go there, go to Sweden and be happy, but I can't, so I want seclusion...
a recluse of everything that is.
You'll suffer because I am.
I don't want that for you.
So in turn I keep it to myself.
Once again, I'm a conflict with myself.
What a misery.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Funny sh*t !!
I found this online somewhere...Made me crack up!
Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me oryou don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem.
Dear wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me oryou don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem.
Monday, September 15, 2008
blah blah..and hurricane bah
Not much to say today. Not much has been going on. My puppy is getting bigger......finally doing almost all the stairs by himself, I guess coz he's not as scared as he used to be...uhm...It's that time of year for me to start knitting again. I have mittens to finish etc etc..blah
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Missing my 2nd home
I miss the language.....i miss my old home. i miss my friends. i miss riding the spårvagn to work. i miss my co-workers and going out to cafes, sitting at a table on the sidewalk watching life go by.
i miss the weather and yes, i miss seeing arabs everywhere i go. It was a big part of my life to live there in sweden. i fell in love with the country and i miss living next to the sea. i miss dressing the way i did then. everyone had a different style, not like here...Over there everyone dressed like they just stepped out of a magazine and even if you dressed like a mongoloid..it was cool.
i still have clothes from there but its hard for me to wear them here because i stick out.
i miss the fashion.
i just miss it period. it makes me want to cry because i feel like my hearts been broken not being there. This week has been particularly the hardest for me. i dont know why.
i miss the weather and yes, i miss seeing arabs everywhere i go. It was a big part of my life to live there in sweden. i fell in love with the country and i miss living next to the sea. i miss dressing the way i did then. everyone had a different style, not like here...Over there everyone dressed like they just stepped out of a magazine and even if you dressed like a mongoloid..it was cool.
i still have clothes from there but its hard for me to wear them here because i stick out.
i miss the fashion.
i just miss it period. it makes me want to cry because i feel like my hearts been broken not being there. This week has been particularly the hardest for me. i dont know why.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Jag kan inte kolla på mina bilder om Göteborg. Jag har mycket av de. Jag e ledsen nu.
Fan!
Idag på jobbet pratade jag på svenska....det var roligt för att när började jag engelska, jag kunde inte!
Och min arbetskomrat sä......'Vad sä du?????'
oops...då pratade jag engelska..det e svårt ibland att prata svenska och sen engelska..usch.
Jag hoppas att jag glömma inte min svenska...jag vet min grammatik e skit nu.
Jag önskar att har någon att prata med.
Fan!
Idag på jobbet pratade jag på svenska....det var roligt för att när började jag engelska, jag kunde inte!
Och min arbetskomrat sä......'Vad sä du?????'
oops...då pratade jag engelska..det e svårt ibland att prata svenska och sen engelska..usch.
Jag hoppas att jag glömma inte min svenska...jag vet min grammatik e skit nu.
Jag önskar att har någon att prata med.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Stuff......
Not much has been going on lately.
I am getting ready though to take the Postal Battery test.
If I pass then I am one step closer to being employed by the United States Postal Service,
which has the best benefits ever! And it pays mounds of money!!!
I have been studying te booklet they gave me and so far I am doing really well on the practice tests. It's not hard, all except for the memorization part. At first it was tough, but now....I'm getting better. Next week I will set up my appointment to go take the real thing.
The first thing I will do if I get a job there is buy a house. It's all I want. A place for the boys and a nice yard for my dog to run around in. On the tests it is all on a time limit and you have to be fast and accurate. At the end of the test I can check my answers in the back of the book and score myself. So far so good!
I am getting ready though to take the Postal Battery test.
If I pass then I am one step closer to being employed by the United States Postal Service,
which has the best benefits ever! And it pays mounds of money!!!
I have been studying te booklet they gave me and so far I am doing really well on the practice tests. It's not hard, all except for the memorization part. At first it was tough, but now....I'm getting better. Next week I will set up my appointment to go take the real thing.
The first thing I will do if I get a job there is buy a house. It's all I want. A place for the boys and a nice yard for my dog to run around in. On the tests it is all on a time limit and you have to be fast and accurate. At the end of the test I can check my answers in the back of the book and score myself. So far so good!
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